Musical Play: “Bullies Anonymous”

The Show

We want you to know what you're getting, so the cast list and first third of the script are available here! Bad Wolf shows are written for flexibility and can be edited however you like to meet the needs of your actors, school, curriculum, parents, astrological chart, latest whim, etc. If you have questions about the portions of the script not shown, please contact us.

Casting

Flexible casting from 8-40 students. Actors can easily play several roles, or a single role can be divided between multiple actors. All parts can be played by any gender.

CHARACTERS:

Mrs. Collins
Mr. B
Physical Bully
Verbal Bully
Social Bullies
Bullies A and B
Bullies C and D
Students
Sam
Alex
Mel
Intruder #1
Grandfather
Father
Goldfish
Rover
Jessie
Bill
Devon
Bullies E, F, G, and H
Intruder #2

and a CHORUS composed of all students who are not playing roles on stage at the time.

Script

This is the first one-third of the script.

(CLASS is seated as if in a meeting, perhaps with MRS. COLLINS and MR.B in front. The music begins. There is some introductory music before the singing begins. This music has 3 distinct parts,and the students can react to each part. For example, when the music begins (part 1), perhaps the class stands. After 8 beats comes part two---students can begin walking to the front of the stage. With part three---you'll hear the lead electric guitar---the students can gather and face the audience.)

Song 1

Welcome, welcome
Come on in
Please join all of us
It¹s our greeting
To the meeting
Bullies Anonymous.

Welcome, welcome
Don't be shy
So much to discuss
Lots of seating
At the meeting
Bullies Anonymous.

Woh oh oh oh oh
Change your ways
Woh oh oh oh oh
End all your bully days!

Welcome, welcome
Here we go
We won¹t make a fuss
We're repeating once again
It's the meeting come on in
You'll be glad to say you've been to Bullies Anonymous.
You'll be glad to say you've been to Bullies Anonymous.

(CLASS returns to seats. MRS. COLLINS and MR. B step forward and face audience)

MRS.COLLINS: Welcome to our weekly meeting of Bullies Anonymous. This is a place were bullies can talk openly so we can all help them stop being so...so...

MR. B: So bullyish.

MRS. COLLINS: Exactly.

MR. B (to audience):So listen up, you bullies.

MRS. COLLINS: Who are you talking to, Mr. B?

MR. B (pointing to the audience):THEM, of course, Mrs. Collins. Looks like a tough crowd.

MRS. COLLINS: Oh my no.
(pointing to audience)
These are just visitors. THESE are the bullies.
(SHE points towards class sitting behind)

MR. B: Oh, yeah. I see what you mean. They got that look.

MRS. COLLINS: Now Mr. B., we know that there is no one way a bully looks or acts. A bully wants to hurt or control people, but there are all kinds of bullies.

PHYSICAL BULLY (jumps up): Like me. I'm a physical bully. I like to get in your face.

VERBAL BULLY (jumps up): Or me---I'm a verbal bully. I love to pick on kids.It makes me feel so cool.

MR. B: I told you they had the look.

MRS. COLLINS (pointing to two girls): What about those two girls?

MR. B: What, them? No way. They couldn't be bullies. Besides, they're girls.

SOCIAL BULLY: #1: Hey, that's discrimination. We have just as much right to be obnoxious brats as the boys.

SOCIAL BULLY #2: That's right. It's in the Constitution.

SOCIAL BULLY #1: Like for sure! We're social bullies. Our favorite thing is to spread all kinds of rumors about other girls.

SOCIAL BULLY #2: And then we totally exclude them from our way cool group.

SOCIAL BULLIES (in unison): We're BULLY-ICIOUS!

PHYSICAL BULLY: Ah, that's nothing compared to my fist. That's what makes me cool.

VERBAL BULLY: Are you some kind of moron?

SOCIAL BULLIES: Talk to the hand!

Song 2

PHYSICAL BULLY:
I keep things simple
I shove and punch
I break your glasses
I steal your lunch.

I'm in the hallway
And on the stairs
I'm in your locker
I'm everywhere.

(On the recording you'll hear how the Bullies grow increasingly less confident as the Chorus stands up to them. The Bullies can speak their final lines in a very hesitant fashion.)

Aren't we cool when we're cruel?

ALL BULLIES:
Aren't we cool when we're cruel?
Aren't we cool when we're cruel?

VERBAL BULLY:
I'm into insults
That's what I do
I'll find your weakness
Then pick on you.

I love name-calling
I know them all
And some I'm writing
In bathroom stalls.

Aren't we cool when we're cruel?

ALL FOUR BULLIES:
Aren't we cool when we're cruel?
Aren't we cool when we're cruel?

CHORUS:
You're not cool
You are pathetic
You're not cool
You are pathetic
You should quit
Not one bit of cool
You should quit
Not one bit of cool.

TWO SOCIAL BULLIES:
We make up rumors
We spread the dirt
Then we exclude you
Man that must hurt.

ALL FOUR BULLIES:
We are all bullies
Bullies unite
We are all bullies
Tell us we're right.

Aren't we cool when we're cruel?
Aren't we cool when we're cruel?
Aren't we cool when we're cruel?

CHORUS:
You're not cool
You are pathetic
You're not cool
You are pathetic
You should quit
Not one bit of cool
You should quit
Not one bit of cool.

(FOUR BULLIES return to their seats.)

MRS. COLLINS: You see, it's actually hard being a bully. No one else thinks being mean is cool at all. It¹s just cruel, and hurts both the victim and the bully.

BULLY A (standing up): Hurts the bully!? How's that? It's such a power trip when you're bullying someone and all the kids gather round to watch.
(comes forward)

MRS. COLLINS: You're right, kids will sometimes do that. But they don't really like you...they're just glad it's not them.

BULLY B (standing up): Maybe, but an audience is an audience, and I LOVE the attention. Unless someone decides to step in and help the poor kid I'm picking on.
(comes forward)

MR. B: What happens then?

BULLY A: It ruins EVERYTHING.

BULLY B: Man, I HATE that.

BULLY A (to audience): Let us give you some advice. When you see someone being bullied, just sit back and enjoy the show.

BULLY B: Sure! Without you watching us being mean, it wouldn't be any fun!

Song 3

BULLIES A and B:
Don't step in
Don't step in
Don't step in
Don't step in.

Woh oh
Just stand around
And watch us work
Woh oh
Just root us on
And be a jerk.

We love an audience
That's the best
We really count on you
If you're the audience
One request
No matter what you do...

BULLIES and CHORUS:
Don't step in
Don't step in
Don't step in
Don't step in.

BULLIES:
Woh oh
Just hang around
And watch the show
Woh oh
We love a crowd
So don't you go.

BULLIES (continued):
You're just the audience
Stand and grin
That's how it should be done
You're just the audience
Don't step in
That would wreck all our fun.

BULLIES and CHORUS:
Don't step in
Don't step in
Don't step in
Don't step in.

(BULLIES A and B return to seats. MR. B holds a piece of paper in his hand.)

MR. B: Okay, bullies, I've got here a list of basic characteristics you all share. Sort of a guide to bulliosity.

BULLY C (coming forward): Let me see that. I don't share ANYTHING with this pack of losers.
(grabs list from MR. B's hand)
Hey, can you believe this? It says here that bullies are aggressive, need to feel in control, and want to get attention! Hah! Like I'm aggressive or need to be the center of attention. That's not me.

BULLY D (rising up in seat): Don't bullies also tend to refuse to accept responsibility?

BULLY C (shouting angrily): Hey, sit down, I'm talking here! It'll be your own fault if you make me come over there.
(back to list)
Bullies are unhappy, and jealous, and take it out on others. They don't feel any sympathy for their victims. That does sound pathetic. Well I'm not any of those things so that proves I'm not a bully.

MR. B: Are you sure? Do you mind taking a little test?

BULLY C: Test? Sure, I'll take a test. I can pass any stinkin' test.
(pause)
Uh, what kind of test?

MR. B: It just so happens of couple former bullies---now crack science students---have invented a device that can sniff out bullies a mile away.
(shouts)
Bring 'er in!

(STUDENTS enter: they are dressed in lab coats, and one of them holds the Bullyometer.)

STUDENT #1: We have created a machine that detects bullies.

STUDENT #2: That's right. We call it a Bullyometer. And if you're a bully,it will tell us.

BULLY C: A Bullyometer? Man, I hate nerds.

Song 4

STUDENTS:
This little gadget can detect all hate
It spots the ones who want to dominate.

And those who pick on difference for a laugh
Will be detected by this bullygraph.

(points it at BULLY C)

So if you're jealous and don't like yourself
This thing starts beeping and leaps off the shelf.

And it's been buzzing at you quite a while
But don't blame me 'cause I just read the dial.

BULLY C (shouts): Get that thing away from me!

STUDENTS:
The bullyometer does not lie
The bullyometer is not shy
The bullyometer it tells things true
And it's pointing right at you.

If you are hurtful and feel no remorse
This baby¹s gonna know it all of course

It shoots a laser at all those who flee
And do not take responsibility.

BULLY C: Turn it off, turn it off!
(runs back to seat)

STUDENTS and CHORUS:

The bullyometer does not lie
The bullyometer is not shy
The bullyometer it tells things true
And it¹s pointing right at you.

(STUDENTS return to seats)

(This concludes the first one-third of the script.)