Musical Play: “Alice’s Adventures with Idioms”

The Show

We want you to know what you're getting, so the cast list and first third of the script are available here! Bad Wolf shows are written for flexibility and can be edited however you like to meet the needs of your actors, school, curriculum, parents, astrological chart, latest whim, etc. If you have questions about the portions of the script not shown, please contact us.

Casting

From 11-40 students. Use as many White Rabbits, Caterpillars, Prosecutors, etc. in each scene as desired. One student can easily play several roles if needed, and individual roles can be doubled up. The larger speaking parts of Alice, Dinah, and Micah can be further divided into additional parts (add a friend for Alice or a few more pets). Note that all roles can be played by any gender.

CHARACTERS:

ALICE
DINAH, her cat
MICAH, her dog
SISTER (off stage)
WHITE RABBITS
TWEEDLEDEE
TWEEDLEDUM
CATERPILLARS
DUCHESS
SERVANTS
MAD HATTER
MARCH HARE
DOORMOUSE
FLAMINGO
HEDGEHOG
QUEEN OF HEARTS
CHESHIRE CATS
KING OF HEARTS
PROSECUTORS
CHOIR MEMBERS

and a CHORUS composed of all students who are not playing roles on stage at the time.

Script

This is the first one-third of the script.

Song 1

CLASS:
Here's a classic done up new
Wonderland revised for you
Here's Alice's Adventures with Idioms

We've changed the book for your delight
Good thing it's out of copyright
It's Alice's Adventures with Idioms.

We've got phrases like "a piece of cake"
And "break the ice" and "hold the phone"
We're learning and we're having fun
We're killing two birds with one stone.

ONE STUDENT (spoken to audience): Not really. It's just an idiom.

CLASS:
We also have some similes
Easy as your ABCs
It's Alice's Adventures with Idioms

We hope this show's your cup of tea
You'll go hog wild for Tweedledee
Here's Alice's Adventures with Idioms.
Here's Alice's Adventures with Idioms.

(THEY sit down/exit. ALICE enters with DINAH the Cat and MICAH the Dog. SHE carries a picnic basket.)

SISTER (from off stage): Alice, don't get too close to the river. And try to keep the cat and dog from jumping in. They smell horrible when they get wet. Especially the dog.

(MICAH shakes his fist in the direction of the SISTER's voice.)

ALICE (to pets): My sister is such a worrier. What could happen to us on such a fine summer day?
(THEY sit down.)
Let's have our sandwiches. Of course, cats and dogs don't like sandwiches, so I'll eat yours for you.

(MICAH, who had been quite excited at the word "sandwiches," slumps in disappointment. DINAH is too cool to care. Just then, WHITE RABBITS enter. THEY each have a pocket watch and are in a flustered rush.)

RABBIT #1 (looking at watch): Oh dear, oh dear! We're late!

RABBIT #2: The Duchess! The Duchess! She's waiting for us!

RABBIT #3: Oh my fur and whiskers! We can NOT be late!

ALICE (standing up): Dinah! Micah! Look! THIS is very curious! Three white rabbits. With pocket watches.

RABBIT #1: Oh dear. We'll be thrown to the wolves.

ALICE: Excuse me.

RABBIT #2: Sorry, no time, no time!

RABBIT #3: We're not crying wolf!

Song 2

WHITE RABBITS:
We've gotta make a beeline
We cannot weasel out
No time for horsing 'round now
We're sitting ducks, no doubt.

No time for playing possum
Our cash cow has been spent
No time to take a catnap
Or fish for compliments.

We'll all be in the Duchess's doghouse now
If we're not on time she'll have a cow.
We can't be late
We can't be late

RABBIT #1:
Maybe we'll sneak by

RABBITS #2 and #3:
Yeah, when pigs can fly.

ALL WHITE RABBITS:
We can't be late
We can't be late

RABBIT #1:
She'll badger us

RABBIT #2:
We'll drop like flies

RABBIT #3:
If we make her wait

ALL WHITE RABBITS:
Oh no we can't be late.
No time to hold our horses
And no frog in the throat
We're fishes out of water
She's gonna get our goat.

WHITE RABBITS and CHORUS:
We can't be late
We can't be late

RABBIT #1:
Maybe we'll sneak by

RABBITS #2 and #3:
Yeah, when pigs can fly.

WHITE RABBITS and CHORUS:
We can't be late
We can't be late

RABBIT #1:
She'll badger us

RABBIT #2: We'll drop like flies

RABBIT #3: If we make her wait

WHITE RABBITS and CHORUS:
Oh no we can't be late.
We can't be late.

(The RABBITS disappear down a rabbit hole. DINAH and MICAH run after them.)

ALICE (shouting at her pets): Dinah! Micah! NO!
(DINAH and MICAH go down the rabbit hole as well. SHE shouts down hole.)
You get back here this instant! I am NOT going down this filthy rabbit hole to fetch you.

(TWEEDLEDUM and TWEEDLEDEE enter, arms around each other's necks.)

TWEEDLEDUM (to ALICE): There's no need to yell your head off.

TWEELEDEE: Unless you're already out of your head.

ALICE (startled, looking up from the hole): Oh! Who are you?

TWEEDLEDUM: I'm Tweedledum.

TWEEDLEDEE: And I'm Tweedledee. But you should keep that under your hat.

ALICE: What should I keep under my hat?

TWEEDLEDUM: Your head, of course.

ALICE: You seem to be full of uncommon nonsense.

TWEEDLEDEE (turning to go): Perhaps we should head off.

ALICE: No, please wait. Did you happen to see my dog and cat? They just chased three talking rabbits down this rabbit hole.
(SHE points to hole.)

TWEEDLEDEE: Yep. They've gone to the land of idioms.

ALICE: Where?

TWEEDLEDUM: The land of idioms.

ALICE: I'm afraid that went right over my head.

TWEEDLEDEE and TWEEDLEDUM (delighted): Exactly!

ALICE: Exactly WHAT? You two are very odd. My point is, I'm wondering if I should go down the rabbit hole as well.

TWEEDLEDEE: Well of course you must go DOWN the rabbit hole.

ALICE: I must?

TWEEDLEDUM: You can't very well go UP the rabbit hole!

TWEEDLEDEE: And going ACROSS it or BEYOND it would be of no use whatsoever.

ALICE: What do prepositions have to do with anything?

TWEEDLEDEE: Everything!

Song 3

TWEEDLEDUM and TWEEDLEDEE:
Down, down, down the rabbit hole
Down, down, down that is your goal.
It's clear from your position
That there's just one preposition
It's down, down, down the rabbit hole.

You may be on the ball or way out on a limb
Perhaps you're on thin ice and now it's sink or swim
Off the hook
Under the weather
Knock you over with a feather
You're out of steam, I know
And there's just one way to go...

TWEEDLES and CHORUS:
Down, down, down the rabbit hole
Down, down, down that is your goal.
It's clear from your position
That there's just one preposition
It's down, down, down the rabbit hole.

TWEEDLES:
You may be up the creek or working 'round the clock
Sitting on the fence or been around the block.
Down to earth
Down to the wire
In the same boat or on fire
You'll jump through hoops, I know
But there's just one way to go…

TWEEDLES and CHORUS:
Down, down, down the rabbit hole
Down, down, down that is your goal.
It's clear from your position
That there's just one preposition
It's down, down, down the rabbit hole.

(At the end of the song, ALICE goes down the rabbit hole and disappears. The TWEEDLES exit. From the other side of the stage, DINAH and MICAH enter. THEY are arguing.)

DINAH: I TOLD you this was a strange place. Play it cool, I said. Don't do anything rash, I said. We're down a rabbit hole in some weird land, I said. But NOOO. You had to drink the potion.

MICAH: But Dinah, it said "Drink Me." Right there on the bottle.

DINAH (disgusted): You're such a DOG. It made you grow to be 10 feet tall.

MICAH: Did you see the size of my tail? It could level forests!

DINAH: And after that, you went ahead and ate the piece of cake! Where's the learning curve?

MICAH: Hey, I'm a DOG. It said "Eat Me." And it was cake! Besides, you ate some too.

DINAH: That's because you shrank down to three inches, and the one door in the place was three inches tall. It was the only way out. But now what are we going to do, Micah?

MICAH: Let's look for some more food that tells us what to do.

DINAH: Let's NOT. I HATE being so tiny. (coolly) It reduces the impact of my feline aloofness.

(CATERPILLARS enter)

CATERPILLAR #1: I think three inches is the perfect size.

CATERPILLAR #2: It's a very good height indeed.

DINAH: Well, we are not used to it. Who are YOU?

CATERPILLAR #3: We're caterpillars, and we live under that mushroom over there.

CATERPILLAR #1: If you want to return to your regular size, you will need to nibble on the mushroom.

DINAH: Well, that is the best advice we've heard since we got here, hands down.

(BOTH DINAH and MICAH immediately hit the floor and stick with their hands.)

MICAH: Whoa! What happened? My paws are stuck.

CATERPILLAR #2 (snapping fingers, which releases DINAH and MICAH): You must be very careful what you say in this part of the forest. Idioms are taken quite literally.

MICAH: Idioms?

CATERPILLAR #1: Expressions. You know, common phrases that mean something different from what the individual words say.

MICAH (looking excited): OH!
(then looking confused)
I don't get it.

CATERPILLAR #3: Most of the time we speak in literal words. For example, when you say, "I like being three inches tall," you mean exactly that. It IS the perfect size, after all.

CATERPILLAR #2: But idioms work differently. They're figurative rather than literal.
(looks at #3)
C'mon, let's show them.

CATERPILLAR #3: NO! Bad things happen when we demonstrate!

CATERPILLAR #2: Come on, we're best friends. You could even say we're...joined at the hip?

(The two CATERPILLARS instantly stick together at the hip. #3 looks very unhappy)

CATERPILLAR #1: See what happened there? What he meant was that they are such good friends that they are always together. But you can't use those kinds of expressions here. In this forest, everything becomes literal.

DINAH: You hear that, Micah? You'd better speak carefully. Being stuck to you for even ten seconds would ruin my reputation forever!

MICAH: Mine too! We need to hold our tongues.

(Immediately DINAH and MICAH grab their own tongues.)

DINAH (unintelligible): Thee uh ooo eh?

CATERPILLAR #3 (to DINAH): What's the matter -- cat got your tongue?

CATERPILLAR #1 (giving high five to #3): That one never gets old.

CATERPILLAR #2 (snapping fingers, which releases DINAH and MICAH): You must pay better attention.

DINAH: Micah! Jeesh.
(to CATERPILLARS)
You see the problem.
(points) Cat. Dog. We don't always see eye to eye.

(Immediately THEY face and stare at each other, their foreheads almost touching.)

CATERPILLAR #3 (snapping fingers, releasing THEM): Are you listening?

Song 4

CATERPILLARS:
Don't hold your tongue or lose your head while in this land
Don't pull somebody's leg or lend someone a hand.
And if your heart is on your sleeve put it back in
And try hard not to get under somebody's skin.

Say what you mean
Mean what you say
If you say "smarty pants"
Your pants will get an A.
If you say you'll play it by ear
Your ear is gonna play
Say what you mean
Mean what you say.

Don't keep your eye on anyone or pick their brains
And please don't cry your eyes out 'cause that always stains.

And paying through the nose is a bad stratagem
'Cause soon your nostrils will become an ATM.

CATERPILLARS and CHORUS:
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
If you say "smarty pants"
Your pants will get an A.
If you say you'll play it by ear
Your ear is gonna play
Say what you mean
Mean what you say.
Say what you mean
Mean what you say.

(CATERPILLARS exit.)

(This concludes the first one-third of the script.)