Casting:
Flexible casting from 11-40 students.
CHARACTERS:
Archaeologists
Speakers from the crowd
Hatshepsut
Applebee (intern at the museum)
Professor Farouk (Egyptologist)
Grumpy Egyptians
Attendants on Hatshepsut
Hathor (Egyptian goddess)
Pakhet (Egyptian goddess)
Amun (Egyptian god)
Fred (American tourist)
Freida (American tourist)
Farming Couple
Expedition Members (Leader, Worker)
Egyptian Nobles
Senenmut
Peasant Couple
Royal Servant Women
Tuthmosis III
and a CHORUS composed of all students who are not playing
roles on stage at the time.
Read the Script:
This
is the first one-third of the script:
(The backdrop depicts the
Egyptian desert. CLASS is
gathered on stage. ARCHAEOLOGISTS rush in, very
excited.)
ARCHAEOLOGIST #1 (entering quickly): We found one! We found one!
SOMEONE from CROWD: What is it?
ARCHAEOLOGIST #2 (asking in disbelief): What IS it? WHAT IS it?!
SOMEONE else from CROWD: Yeah, what is it?
ARCHAEOLOGIST #2: I have no idea. They wouldn't let me near. I break stuff.
ARCHAEOLOGIST #3: It's only the most exciting thing ever discovered from
ancient Egypt!
ARCHAEOLOGIST #1: We were digging in the Valley of the Kings, searching for
the canopic jars holding
Tutankhamun's organs.
ARCHAEOLOGIST #2: You know...King Tut's guts.
(The OTHERS look at #2 in disgust.)
ARCHAEOLOGIST #3: And you won't believe what we stumbled upon.
ARCHAEOLOGIST #1 (looking off stage): Look, they're carrying it in now.
ARCHAEOLOGIST #2 (excited): I bet it's a pyramid.
(The OTHERS give #2 a look.)
ARCHAEOLOGIST #3: There it was, inside a long-forgotten tomb.
Song 1
ARCHAEOLOGISTS:
We found a mummy
Yeah it's a mummy
Out in the desert sands.
We found a mummy
A little gummy
Where can we wash our hands?
Oh it's Egyptian royalty
From in the fifteenth century
Though many folks have searched we found it first.
We found a mummy
Oh what a mummy
ARCHAEOLOGIST #2: I hope it isn't cursed!
(ARCHAEOLOGISTS look at each other. Now they're
scared. During the next section of song OTHERS from class
carry in the mummy. ARCHAEOLOGISTS act very nervous and don't
want anything to do with the mummy.)
CHORUS:
They found a mummy
Oh what a mummy
ONE ARCHAEOLOGIST #2: (looking worried, holding up something in bandages):
I think I have an ear!
CHORUS:
They found a mummy
ARCHAEOLOGISTS:
And we're no dummy
Weıre getting out of here!
CHORUS:
Three thousand years and more elapse
This sucker was kept under wraps
ARCHAEOLOGIST #2 (scared, pointing at mummy):
Did you see that? I think it winked at me!
CHORUS:
They found a mummy
Oh what a mummy
ARCHAEOLOGISTS (frightened, about to run off):
And now we're history!
(THEY all run off!)
CHORUS:
They found a mummy
Oh what a mummy
And now it's history.
(Towards the end of the previous song, the mummy has been set
down. The staging could be done in several ways. If the mummy is
brought in on a stretcher---carefully---it could be the actor playing
HATSHEPSUT. The stretcher could be gently set down on the floor.
Or if the mummy is a dummy, the mummy could be set down behind
a curtain or screen. Or perhaps the dummy is set down behind a
box
on stage, or a desk. At any rate, by the beginning of this scene, the
"mummy" must be the actor who is playing HATSHEPSUT.
It is not desirable that she be wrapped up---a few loose bandages
dangling from her clothes will give the effect. SHE will come to
life
during the scene.)
(PROFESSOR FAROUK, a famous Egyptologist, enters,
reading a book. APPLEBEE, a new intern at the museum,
enters shortly from the other side of the stage.)
APPLEBEE: Professor Farouk! Have you had a chance to examine the mummy?
PROF. FAROUK (putting down the book): Ah, Miss...uh...
APPLEBEE: Applebee, sir. I'm a new intern at the museum.
FAROUK: Yes, well, Miss Applebee, I was just doing a bit of research. This
specimen is puzzling.
APPLEBEE: Indeed! Definitely 18th dynasty. A royal burial. And a woman!
FAROUK: Very good, Applebee. Did you see the fruit they found in baskets
marked with a pharaoh's seal?
APPLEBEE: THAT was from the tomb? I thought it was LUNCH.
FAROUK: You ATE the fruit? That was a priceless historical artifact!
APPLEBEE: It tasted TERRIBLE.
FAROUK: It was thirty-five hundred
years old!
APPLEBEE: I once had a Twinkie nearly that old from a 7/11 and it tasted
fine. So---have you identified the mummy yet?
HATSHEPSUT (in slow, low mummy voice): HAT-SHEP-SUT.
APPLEBEE: Really? You think so? That would be amazing.
FAROUK: I didn't say that.
APPLEBEE: Stop fooling around.
FAROUK: I'm not. I didn't say anything.
APPLEBEE: That's funny. Because I could have sworn I heard you say...
HATSHEPSUT (interrupting in a loud, slow voice): HAT-SHEP-SUT.
(SHE gets up from the floor or from behind box/desk/
curtain. SHE has her hands out in monster-fashion, like
SHE is sleep-walking. SHE speaks again):
HAT-SHEP-SUT!
(SHE walks slowly towards the APPLEBEE.)
APPLEBEE: Run for you life, Professor. It's ALIVE!
(APPLEBEE runs in circles.)
HATSHEPSUT: HAT-SHEP-SUT. HAT-SHEP-SUT.
(SHE is approaching APPLEBEE, who is on her knees.)
APPLEBEE: I'm sorry I ate your fruit. It was an accident. I'll buy you some
new fruit. How about a cherry Slurpee? Oh PLEASE oh PLEASE don't eat me!
HATSHEPSUT (SHE puts down her arms, relaxes, smiles; very casually): I'm
just messin' with you. You should have seen the look on your face.
FAROUK: It IS Hatshepsut! I recognize you from the carvings on your temple.
HATSHEPSUT: That's me. The most successful female pharaoh in Egyptian
history.
APPLEBEE: But how, uh, how are you, uh...
HATSHEPSUT: The question is not HOW am I here, but WHY. Once I found myself
out of the tomb, I realized I have the chance to set the record straight.
FAROUK: You mean how squeezed your stepson out of the kingship?
HATSHEPSUT: I did not! My father, Tuthmosis I, was a great pharaoh. My
husband, Tuthmosis II, was a great pharaoh. When he died, he named my
stepson, Tuthmosis III, to be pharaoh.
FAROUK: But he was a young boy, and you were supposed to look after him.
HATSHEPSUT: And that's what I DID. I just kind of took over the role of
king. You know, until he could grow up.
FAROUK: For 22 years?
HATSHEPSUT: He was a late bloomer. And yeah, I wanted to be a great
pharaoh too.
APPLEBEE: What did the Egyptians think of a woman becoming king?
HATSHEPSUT: Hah! You should have seen them. At least at first. They were
NOT happy. Here. Let me show you the past.
(SHE makes a "magic gesture" and points to side of stage,
where GRUMPY EGYPTIANS enter.)
GRUMPY EGYPTIAN #1: Can you believe it? You know what happened the last
time we had a female king? Disaster, that's what.
GRUMPY EGYPTIAN #2: When was that?
GRUMPY EGYPTIAN #1: 300 years ago. It feels like yesterday.
GRUMPY EGYPTIAN #2: I mean, itıs bad enough when a woman acts as regent for
a boy king. But actually taking over the power!
GRUMPY EGYPTIAN #1: I bet we don't survive ten years.
GRUMPY EGYPTIAN #2: I bet the pyramids don't survive ten years.
(During this song, HATSHEPSUT stands at the front of the
stage, to one side. ATTENDANTS dress her up in Pharaonic gear.
This can be as simple as an Egyptian crown, staff,
robe, and finally, a false beard that pharaohs are often
depicted with. This action can start at any point in the song,
as long as the false beard is being attached just as the
GRUMPY EGYTIANS are singing about it towards the end.)
Song
2
GRUMPY EGYPTIANS:
There're things on which you must rely:
The sun will rise up in the sky,
A king has gotta be a GUY!
By definition.
This morning though we got the news
A WOMAN stands in Pharaohıs shoes
Talk about your parvenus
There goes tradition.
Hatshepsut
Queen of Denial
Denying all reality
Hatshepsut
Queen of Denial
Look close---she's not a he.
(THEY point at her. SHE waves back.)
Her stepson's just too young, you see
She took the throne and asks that we
Address her as HIS majesty
It's so ironic.
Hatshepsut
Queen of Denial
Denying all reality
Hatshepsut
Queen of Denial
Look close---she's not a he.
The final step is as I feared
It's getting just a little weird
Sheıs strapping on the royal beard
HATSHEPSUT (loud and proud): I feel Pharaonic.
GRUMPY EGYPTIANS and CHORUS:
Hatshepsut
Queen of Denial
Denying all reality
Hatshepsut
Queen of Denial
Look close---she's not a he.
Oh-oh!
(THEY exit. HATSHEPSUT should take off the beard for
the rest of the show. Three Egyptian gods enter:
AMUN, HATHOR, and
PAKHET. They all have plaques
around their necks that have their names in big print and
then lots of tiny writing underneath. THEY take their places,
preferably on boxes facing the audience and freeze: they
are statues in the museum. APPLEBEE enters, stands in
front of statues and addresses audience.)
APPLEBEE (addressing audience as if sharing a secret): Don't tell Professor
Farouk, but Hatshepsut is teaching me to walk like an Egyptian.
(SHE looks around, then demonstrates. Itıs goofy. SHE notices the
statues.)
Hey, would you look at these statues of Egyptian gods! I wonder if the
museum sells bubble-headed versions for my car.
(SHE exits.)
HATHOR (coming to life): It's SO exciting. Hatshepsut is in this very
museum.
PAKHET: I know. She always treated us well.
AMUN: Of course! We were Egyptian gods!
HATHOR: But she had dozens to choose from, and we were her favorites.
AMUN (nodding): I miss being adored. I get so tired of these tourists
dissing us.
PAKHET: Shush! Here they come.
HATHOR: Back to your places.
(THEY run to their "places" and freeze, facing audience.
THEY are statues again. TOURISTS enter.)
FRED: Well would you look at these,
Freida! Statues of genuine Egyptian gods.
FREIDA (giddy): Ooh, Fred, take my picture with this one.
(SHE moves next to HATHOR; FRED takes a picture.)
FRED: Who is that? And why's she look like a cow?
FREIDA (reading): It says this here is Hathor,
a cow-formed goddess of joy and love.
(SHE moves over towards PAKHET.)
FRED: What's not to love? Just think of all those burgers.
(AMUN makes a face at FRED, who
isn't looking. Maybe AMUN sticks
out his tongue. HATHOR gestures
for AMUN to knock it off. THEY
freeze again.)
FREIDA (looking at PAKHET): And this
is Pakhet, a lioness war deity. A lioness,
Fred! And such nice fingernails!
(FRED is now in front of AMUN, but facing the audience.
FREIDA is also in front of the statues and looking at
audience and/or FRED; neither looks at the statues. As
FRED speaks his next lines, AMUN mocks and mimics
him from behind. HATHOR and PAKHET gesture at HIM,
and eventually all THREE are gesturing at each other.)
FRED (remembering): A lioness, you say. I was almost eaten alive by a
kitten once. It lived under my cousin Busterıs house. It grabbed my sock as
I walked by the porch and tried to drag me to my death.
(HE stops and turns
around to look at the statues. The THREE STATUES
all freeze, although they are in the wrong, and weird,
positions.)
FREIDA: Come on, Fred. We gotta catch the cruise up to the pyramids.
FRED: Yeah. All that way up the Nile. You got the Dramamine?
AMUN: I can't TAKE it anymore! It's not UP the Nile from here. It's DOWN
the Nile.
FREIDA: Look, Fred. This one's talking to you.
FRED: Yeah. Must be one of them animatronical devices.
AMUN: I am Amun, the Creator God. Here at Thebes there is a 250 acre temple
complex dedicated to me.
FREIDA: Isn't he the cutest!
AMUN: If you learn nothing else about Egypt, you must learn this: the Nile
flows north, from here in Thebes to the delta and then to the Mediterranean
Sea.
FRED: North? You sure?
HATHOR: Trust us.
Song
3
THREE GODS:
One thing that you ought to know
Upper Egypt's down below
I can tell that I just blew your mind.
Here's another thing you'll love
Lower Egypt's up above
'Cause thatıs the way the Nile is designed.
North
North
The Nile flows north
Right into the sea
North
North
The Nile flows north...
The Nile flows north.
Huck Finn took a famous trip
Floating down the Mississip
He was heading SOUTH, oh what a sap!
Here in Egypt on a boat
Just one way you're gonna float
Thatıs DOWNstream toward the
top part of your map.
GODS, FREIDA, FRED, CHORUS:
North
North
The Nile flows north
Right into the sea
North
North
The Nile flows north...
The Nile flows north
The Nile flows north
The Nile flows north
The Nile flows north.
(THEY exit. HATSHEPSUT, FAROUK, and APPLEBEE enter.)
